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You're on a work call. You hear yourself laugh at something that isn't funny. It's the laugh you do in meetings. The one that smooths things over. Makes people comfortable. Not your real laugh. Your real laugh surprises people. This one is polite. Professional. Strategic. And for a second, you notice the difference. You think, who is doing the laughing right now. And then the call keeps going and you keep being that person. But something in you registered the gap. There's a version of you that shows up here. And there's the rest.
This is what it looks like when a role becomes invisible. Not forced anymore. Not something you think about. Just what you do when you walk into certain rooms or sit across from certain people.
The pattern starts small. You learn, early, that a certain version of you is safe or acceptable. Maybe you were the responsible one. The quiet one. The strong one. The one who had it together. The one who never needed help. The competent one who doesn't fall apart. So you built that version and sent it out. Parents, teachers, friends, they responded to it. They liked it. They relied on it. It worked. Over years, you sent that version out so many times that you stopped thinking of it as something you were doing. It became automatic. Your nervous system learned it. Your face learned it. Your voice learned it. Your body learned what posture to hold and what energy to emit. Now when you walk into those situations, the role just turns on. You don't even notice the switch.
Here's what makes it tricky. You can't stop something you don't notice. You can't change a performance if you don't realize you're performing.
Most people try to solve this the wrong way. They get tired of the role and try to force authenticity. They tell themselves, I'm just going to be real. I'm just going to stop caring what people think. I'm going to let them see the real me. But it doesn't work because the performance isn't a choice happening in your conscious mind. It's a reflex. Your body learned it as safety. Your nervous system knows it as home. So you try to override it with willpower and it fails. You try to be different and it feels fake so you stop. Or you don't try at all because you don't see that there's anything to change. You think this is just who you are.
What actually shifts this is awareness. The moment you notice you're playing a role is the moment the role starts to crack. Not instantly. Not dramatically. But the cracks appear.
I worked with a woman who was the strong one everywhere. At work, she was the person who handled everything. Never showed struggle. Never asked for help. She led with this energy that said, I have it handled. Don't worry. I'm solid. At home with her family, she did the same thing. She was the one who kept things moving. Who stayed calm. Who absorbed everyone else's stress and made it look easy. Who didn't burden anyone with her own stuff. She didn't think of it as a role. She thought it was just who she was. But when we started to look at it, she saw that this version of her was working around the clock. Always on. Always performing strength. Always the one holding the container for everyone else.
The first shift happened in awareness. She started noticing when she switched into that mode. In meetings when someone suggested something she didn't agree with. With her kids when one of them came to her with a problem. When someone asked her how she was really doing. She would watch herself reach for that energy. It was like watching someone put on a coat without thinking about it. And just by noticing it, something changed. Not instantly fixed. But she started to see there was a gap between the strong version she showed and the real version underneath. The one that was tired. The one that wanted help. The one that sometimes didn't have all the answers. The one that was scared too.
Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
The next part isn't about forcing yourself to be different everywhere. It's not about blowing up your life or being "authentic" at all costs. It's about letting the real version exist too. In some rooms. With some people. You start small. You say the thing you normally wouldn't say. You ask for help when you normally wouldn't ask. You let one person see the struggle instead of the solution. You show up tired instead of putting on the energy you normally put on. And every time you do, the nervous system gets new information. It learns that you can be more than the role and still be safe. Still be loved. Still be respected. Still be okay.
The role doesn't disappear. You might still be the strong one at work. That might be appropriate for that context. But you're aware you're choosing it now. It's not running you automatically. There's a difference between a role you choose and a role you don't even notice you're wearing.
Which version of you shows up so automatically that you don't even question it anymore. The one you don't notice you're performing. Which role costs you the most energy. Drop a word for it in the comments. Is it the strong one. The perfect one. The independent one. The easy one. The one who has it handled. The one who never needs anything. Tell me which one hits closest.
DM me the word BLUEPRINT on my Instagram (@chenzo.holistic.coaching) and I will send you The New Life Blueprint mini course.
<h3>Listen to The Purpose Path Podcast</h3><div style="position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/UQMreB557H4" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;border:0;border-radius:12px;" allowfullscreen loading="lazy"></iframe></div>
More episodes and free resources: <a href="https://www.chenzoholisticcoaching.com/en/the-purpose-path-podcast">The Purpose Path Podcast</a> and <a href="https://www.chenzoholisticcoaching.com">chenzoholisticcoaching.com</a>.
With love, Chenzo Holistic Coaching Founder of The Purpose Path Podcast

You're on a work call. You hear yourself laugh at something that isn't funny. It's the laugh you do in meetings. The one that smooths things over. Makes people 

Why you laugh when nothing is funny

Read essays on somatic healing, emotional trauma, sensitivity, and finding purpose. Written by Chenzo, holistic coach, empathic healer, tarot reader, and founder of The Purpose Path Podcast. New posts weekly.


Chenzo Holistic Coaching Blog: Somatic Healing, Sensitivity & Purpose

Read essays on somatic healing, emotional trauma, sensitivity, and finding purpose. Written by Chenzo, holistic coach, empathic healer, tarot reader, and founder of The Purpose Path Podcast. New posts weekly.

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Why you laugh when nothing is funny

Why you laugh when nothing is funny

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